If No One Marries Me
by Bad Faery
Summary: Ten year old Alice explains to Hamish why she is not thinking of things that start with M.


At thirteen, Hamish Ascot is far too old and important for children's games. He should be sitting in the parlor with his father and Mr. Kingsleigh and helping them design new trade routes and learning the business that will one day be his. Instead, he is following Alice Kingsleigh through the woods that border her house. He tells himself that he is being grown up and responsible and keeping the girl out of trouble since her sister is occupied with a book.

There's something dreadfully improper about this: a man and a woman alone together in the woods. Well, a man and a girl alone anyway. The thought hadn't seemed to occur to Alice as she grabbed his arm and dragged him along behind her, babbling in excitement, "Hamish, do let's pretend we're dragons!"

So far he's watched her climb a tree and jump from rock to rock until they're well out of sight of the house, and Alice's hair is tangled around her face. His mother would never approve, although Hamish secretly finds it rather fetching. Still, it's _quite_ improper. "Alice, shouldn't we find your sister?"

With a toss of her head and a roll of her eyes, she rejects the idea. "She's no fun anymore. All she thinks about is marriage and Marcus," she shudders theatrically as she names one of Margaret's suitors, "And other things that start with an M."

Alice says the word 'marriage' like it's a curse, and Hamish blinks at her. Girls are supposed to look forward to matrimony. Perhaps Alice is still too young. "Soon, you'll be thinking about it too."

A rock comes flying at his head, and he instinctively ducks, although in truth it came nowhere near to hitting him. "You take that back, Hamish Ascot!" Alice shouts, hands on hips, her face flushed. Her eyes are sparkling with anger, and an impish impulse tells him to pull her hair. He squashes it.

"Won't," he denies. He realizes he's acting like a child himself and draws himself up to his full height, saying in a patronizing tone, "Once you get your first suitor, you'll be just as excited as Miss Margaret is."

Instead of getting angrier, Alice actually laughs at him. She turns on her heel and starts moving deeper into the woods, Hamish scrambling to keep up with her. "I'm _never_ going to have a suitor," she tells him patiently, as though it were obvious, "No one's going to marry me."

For a girl dooming herself to a spinster's life, Alice seems downright cheerful about it. "Why not?" he asks, despite himself.

"I'm not proper, and the flowers say I'm not pretty," she explains.

"That's not a nice thing for the flowers to say," he comforts her before realizing just what it is that he's said. "You can talk to flowers?"

"Not _English_ flowers, silly," she shakes her head at him like he should know what she's talking about, "Their beds are too soft so they're always asleep."

Whenever Hamish finds himself in trouble with his mother, he's found that the best thing to do is agree with her. He tries the same strategy now. "You're right."

Alice gives him a pleased look, and he feels himself starting to blush, his face taking on the same hue as his hair. Not wanting to press his luck further, he lapses into silence, but Alice doesn't seem to mind. Instead she falls into step beside him, still leading but no longer trying to leave him behind. Her shoulder brushes his arm occasionally when the terrain grows rough. It feels pleasant.

"I don't mind that no one's going to marry me," Alice confides in him a little later, "I'm going to have a cat and a rabbit and a pony I don't have to share with Margaret and I'll have tea whenever I want it and I can read all the books I want and I'll never have to go to bed before I'm tired."

He digests her words as she continues to talk about what her spinster life is going to be like. At thirteen, Hamish understands how the world works better than Alice does, and his stomach curls the way it does after he's eaten too many scones when he realizes society will never permit Alice to have what she wants.

"-and I'll play chess and croquet, not with hedgehogs of course, and I'll have a different hat for every day."

"I like chess," Hamish contributes to the one-sided discussion and blushes again when Alice smiles at him in approval.

At thirteen, Hamish makes a very grown-up decision. One day he will marry Alice Kingsleigh and play chess and croquet with her and buy her cats and hats and rabbits. He nods to himself in satisfaction at having his future arranged and follows Alice deeper into the woods as she loses interest in the conversation. He even permits her to pretend he's a dragon and slay him with a stick, although he does draw the line at roaring.

**If No One Ever Marries Me**

Laurence Alma-Tadema (1865 – 1940)

If no one ever marries me,— And I don't see why they should, For nurse says I'm not pretty, And I'm seldom very good—

If no one ever marries me I shan't mind very much; I shall buy a squirrel in a cage, And a little rabbit-hutch:

I shall have a cottage near a wood, And a pony all my own, And a little lamb quite clean and tame, That I can take to town:

And when I'm getting really old,— At twenty-eight or nine— I shall buy a little orphan-girl And bring her up as mine.


End file.
